Counseling Notes: What is “Grooming”?

Counseling Notes are a series of short posts that are often taken from Twitter threads that I’ve done on various topics. The goal of Counseling Notes is to take the short snippets (tweets) I make about Soul Care issues and compile them into one place.

1. Grooming is a manipulative process whereby a person (predator) seeks to cultivate a sense of trust with another (victim) prior to abusing them. It’s a term used to speak of the cultivation process of abusive relationships. 

2. There are several tactics “groomers” use. Also, groomers most often target people who are already abuse survivors & seek to use their trauma against them. 

– Flattery – groomers will use flattery to earn a person’s favor. They use this especially against prior abuse victims. 

3. Division – Along with flattery, they will often try to sow doubt within their target’s mind regarding who they can trust. They will try to lead them to doubt those who love them & advocate for them & position themselves as the ONLY one who truly gets them & loves them. 

4. Mirroring. Abusers are Narcissists & narcissists have ability to mirror things they lack like compassion, empathy, & host of other characteristics. In the grooming process, groomers present themselves as the man/woman of the other’s dreams on some way. Not necessarily romantic 

5. The goal of “grooming” is to cultivate a form of psychological & emotional dependency on the part of their target. They want their target to depend solely on them & see them as messianic. They want to isolate target as much as possible so they can prey unencumbered. 

6. Manipulative transparency – “groomers” often try to establish deep connection w/ target by presenting themselves as vulnerable. They will share w/ target a sacred secret about themselves in hopes doing so makes the target feel extra special & a/ that only truly valued by them. 

7. Anyone can be groomed. Boys, men, women, & girls. Not all grooming is sexual but all grooming is intended to cultivate soil for abuse of some kind. Grooming is a process and is often done over an extended period of times. The goal is to get the talons of manipulation in DEEP. 

9. A successful groomer, towards his targets, becomes a puppet master. They ultimately can lead someone to abandon their friends, family, faith, & even give up their lives for them. Most people wake up to abuse while in a grooming process, process complete is almost impenetrable. 

10. Groomers seek exploit every facet of good in a person. Love, trust, compassion, empathy; every aspect of good in a person is exploited by groomers. It is NEVER the fault of the targeted for being “groomed”. They are full on victims regardless of gender or age demographic.